A Stop Gap

I have a lot I’d love to say, but having a hard time with it. Mostly it’s because my wife lost her job (not her fault), and we’ve decided to move to a different state. Leaves one little time for the self-indulgent word. Not when I have cover letters to write.

Suffice it to say, once things get settled down and I am finished moving, I’ll be back.

But one piece of good news: I finished my first piece of writing in a long time and hope to start sending it out for publication soon. Or attempt to have it published. Going to be long and hard, but fingers crossed. Wish me luck all.

Authentic Procrastination

Great plans have fallen to the wayside. They always seem to with me. I’ve been caught up in small projects and taking care of E. Even now, as I am trying to write this, she is sitting beside me with her head on my shoulder and claiming that she is watching Muppet Babies. Yet, she is bouncing around, putting her feet on the keyboard, and playing with my earlobe, among a dozen other things.

But those are nothing more than excuses.

The biggest issue was myself. Over the past month and a half, my anxiety and depression started ramping up again. Questions of the unknown froze me in place, and even now, as I try to break free, it is difficult to do more than what I already am. My dreams have taken a backseat to the fear that I will never be good enough at anything. I’m sure we all realize what sort of self-fulfilling prophesy that is.

Three weeks ago or so, I started taking my writing seriously again. I’ve been reading books by professionals on how to improve my craft. They did help, too, and I’m still going at it. About a week ago, I started writing again. Don’t even get me going on how rusty I am, but I finished a short story this week. The obvious next step was to start researching publication.

And that’s where I hit my first real stumbling block.

My anxiety exploded. Why should I even bother? Do you know HOW many people attempt publication everyday? My manuscript would be one of millions. There was no chance for me to succeed. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and it was almost impossible to function, let alone thing of anything else. Talking to K helped, but it still kept me up for hours that night. The next day was little better, but I had to force myself to function. Sure, taking care of E wasn’t a problem, but turning off YouTube was. Same with getting dressed or cleaning the house.

The worst thing about it was that, going in, I KNEW ALL THIS ALREADY. I knew my odds and still intended on submitting the story to editors. No, I don’t expect to succeed right away, but I still want to try. And if it doesn’t work, I’ll write another and another and another until I do succeed. Should no one take them, then I’ll put them up here for everyone to enjoy at their leisure. Maybe compile them into a book for easy access and enjoyment for those interested. It doesn’t matter what way you cut it, I had plans and ideas.

Yet, two paragraphs, two sentences, two words on how difficult it would be froze me dead in my tracks. I don’t put this on anyone but myself. Somehow I doubt that it will never happen again. Still, I need to overcome. Writing and publication is a dream of mine since I was knee high to an ant. The market is there, and I know I’m DAMN good at it.

Perhaps it is the fear of the unknown. In my world, not everyone’s dreams come true. It isn’t a Disneyland tale. But occasionally, those who really work and commit to an idea for years succeed. I want to be one of them. I want my wife to be one too, along with the rest of my family. Most importantly, I need it to be my daughter.

How else is she supposed to learn this except through watching her mother and father? Sure, some of it can come from movies, television, or other media. Maybe sports too. But that drive has to start at home.

In other words, I will teach my daughter perseverance and dedication by succeeding myself. She will see the ups and downs, and know the work that needs to be done. Everything K and I do, she will see and learn from. So in becoming a successful author, I’m doing the right thing by my daughter.

Everything would be so simple if I just knew how things would turn out. But the world doesn’t work like that. The future is always in flux, with our decision every day deciding how our lives will change. It’s what we make of it.

So it is time for me to stop wallowing (for today, at least) and get to work. This story won’t edit itself.

And So It Begins….

As I sit here at my dining room table, making sure my daughter eats her lunch rather than watching Scooby-Doo, I can stare out the window to see the first real snow of the year. The first rays of Sun in several days are peeking through the clouds to show the winter wonderland that I bet northern Indiana will face for the next several months. This leaves me with a situation.

Since quitting my job in late August, I have been trying to split my personal time between writing and being out in my woodworking shop. If the reasons for this are unclear, then let me just say that I am trying to make a go at those for a profession rather than finding a more traditional source of employment. But my woodworking shop may have reached the end of its usefulness this year. It’s in my 2.5 car unattached garage, completely uninsulated and without any source of heat. This means that when the weather goes below freezing—like it is right now—I am in the situation of either freezing my bits off or just calling it quits until the weather warms back up.

If I am being honest, I don’t want to shut it down yet. There are so many things that I want to try, so many projects that are unfinished or not even started that I don’t want to stop every evening, let alone for the next several months. Things that I think could get me started on the career path that I want. Still, I hate the cold. And to make things a bit more complicated is that I will miss building things with my hands during those months. Ask K. I tend to get a bit depressed during that time because I can’t make things.

Which brings me to the point of this post. Starting soon, I will be beginning a project that I suspect will take me several months to complete. And, as I threatened before, I will be bringing you along for the ride. For good or bad, welcome to the show.

NaNoWriMo Update

In case anyone was wondering, I am still trying to write a novel for NaNoWriMo. Trying because I am not exactly on schedule, and by that, I mean that I have written only 9047 words as of today.

There are several reasons for that, but depending on who you ask is whether or not they should be considered excuses or reasonable hindrances. Perhaps the biggest is because I am currently attempting to write while taking care of my two year old child. Finding time to put one word after another while keeping her from getting into everything is a challenge to say the least. Also, I still haven’t given up hope on my woodworking, though the shop will have to be closed soon due to cold weather.

So while the writing hasn’t been as successful as I had hoped, I am still at it. I have a short story which needs editing and another which I am developing on top of this novel. That is besides the comic which I have put on hold for this month. Other projects too.

Needless to say, I am not sitting around playing video games all day and still keeping quite busy. I just am wondering if I have set unrealistic expectations for me, especially while I am adjusting to a new way of living. Only time will tell.

Back at it.

A Look Into the Future

I have to admit that I am a little worried about NaNoWriMo. Perhaps, nervous is a better choice of words. It’s not like I haven’t planned and written a novel before. But working in these “conditions” and under these “restrictions” is more than a bit odd for me. Things are just a bit different for me this time around, and I’m nervous.

That being said, let me share a few random thoughts with you all.

1. During the month of November, I am not all that sure how many blog posts I’ll get done. There is a chance that I might be taking over full-time daycare for my daughter. I like the idea, but that will restrict the amount of writing I can get done. NaNoWriMo will have to be my priority during the month of November. And if the novel isn’t done by the end of the month, then it will remain a priority until I’ve finished it. I’ll share what I can until then, but wish me luck if you would. Nerves and all that.

2. I am hoping to start sharing a few projects that I am working on with you all. This doesn’t just include the forthcoming novel, but also a short story, the comic I’m working on, and other writing projects. Also, I want to take you for a journey through my woodworking process, show a couple of side projects, and a few other things that are coming up. Hopefully all these things will be as interesting for you as it will be for me. I don’t plan on hiding any of the mistakes, so, if nothing else, you should have a good laugh at all my foibles.

3. I’ve always contemplated this, but I think it is time for me to start on some other unique-ish content for this blog. Over the years, I’ve seen others read books or watch movies and give reviews on each. Well, maybe review isn’t the right word there either. Share their thoughts and impressions. I will be doing the same in coming months. Right now, I am preparing the list of the media (movie series, books, music, etc) I want to share with you, but if you can think of anything you’d like to see me talk about, let me know.

That’s all for now. Not a lot I know, but I have just over half an hour before I need to prepare lunch for my daughter and myself, and I want to get some other writing done before then. Less to do after.

Drop me a line and let me know what you all think of these plans. I’d love it if you’d also take the time to like and follow me. Then you’ll be on top of things when this new content starts hitting. It will be great, I promise.

Talk to you all soon.

Today’s Music: The Beatles- 1967-1970 Disc 2