Today I want to give you all some writing advice.

1) Drink while you write:  Think of it this way: Alcohol is to adults what sugar is to kids.  If a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, think of what a spoonful of whiskey would do.  Or a shot.  Or two.  It helps the words go down on paper.

2) Drink while you write:  Alcohol lowers inhibitions. Anyone whose drunk dialed (raises hand), tried to make out with your pillow (Raises hand), or slept on the living room floor because the bed was too far away (Raises hand.) knows this to be true.  Writing is about being honest with how you see the world.  Fake is spotted a mile away.  Do you see where I’m going with this?  By drinking, we lower our inhibitions and are less likely to be polite and instead will tell it exactly how we see it.

3) Drink while you write:  Studies have shown that alcohol has been proven to increase focus.  No joke.  That may seem at odds with the last post on the surface.  Focus and lowering inhibitions don’t seem to go hand in hand.  So just take it at surface value.  I do.  License to drink.  Moving forward.

4) Read often and read widely:  And you know what goes well with your latest novel?  Beer.

5) Write constantly: In order to write, you must drink.  See above.

6) Make what you want to say make sense:  Alcohol seems to help break down language barriers.  Trust me, I know this.  I’m fluent in Klingon whenever I have a few rum and cokes.

Follow this advice and you’ll be a great writer in no time!  Now, if you’ll pardon me, I need another glass of water.

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